These are difficult times. We are all having to make sacrifices and tighten our belts. Last week, I even asked Lady Wrassle to cancel her monthly standing order to her favourite charity, Poodles in Distress.
News that the European Parliament has agreed to severely limit the bonuses that bankers can be paid will have caused panic amongst many people, I am sure. They will be concerned that our best bankers will desert Britain for foreign shores and threaten to ruin the economies of the countries they move to, in the way they have already ruined ours.
Nevertheless, I am taking a leaf out of the EU's book and have today instructed the Tripe Marketing Board's board that no bonuses will be paid to managers during 2013-14. This is despite the fact that sales of tripe rose by up to 300% in some areas as a result of the TMB's campaign work last year.
I know this will come as a disappointment to those who have worked so hard to promote tripe. That's why I am 'sweetening the pill' and have instructed our communications team to reduce the price of Forgotten Lancashire and Parts of Cheshire and the Wirral on Kindle to just £3. This reduces the 'cost per laugh' to just 0.266p per laugh.
In austerity Britain, we all have to make sacrifices. That's why we must be prepared to pay more for our gas from British Gas despite the fact that they have posted profits of 11%. My advice in these difficult times remains the same as it has always been: Enjoy life. Enjoy Tripe. And don't overpay for your laughs.
Sir Norman Wrassle
Tripe Marketing Board