13 December 2013

Tripe Pipped By Bananas In Shock Awards Result

Tripe Marketing Board chairman Sir Norman Wrassle has apologised to the jury of the British Comedy Food Awards after arriving late and using his nomination speech to condemn vegans as "humourless, skinny and pasty-faced" at last night's award ceremony.

He also accused 'Big Veganism' of manipulating the results after bananas pulled off a surprise win to scoop the coveted 'King of Comedy Food 2013' award at the Assembly Rooms in Wigan.  Tripe was pushed into second place - despite extensive polling by the TMB before the event which appeared to show that tripe would be a clear winner.

Sir Norman Wrassle
Speaking from his Lytham home this morning, Sir Norman said: "Everyone knows tripe is the ultimate comedy foodstuff. All our private polling suggested we were on course to win last night, so I hope I can be excused for getting a bit over-emotional.  I have nothing against bananas and am pleased for them for making a comeback after many years languishing on the comedy sidelines."

Tripe was nominated for an award in twelve different categories but its only success was as joint winner with spleen of the Funniest Offal award.

"I have said in the past that tripe is the Jimmy Carr of foods, inspiring laughter and revulsion in equal measure. Now I think it would be more fitting to compare it to David Mitchell."

He went on to say that the TMB could at least take some consolation that its decision to publish a 2014 Diary had been vindicated, after it had been described by reviewers as 'brilliant', 'hugely funny' and 'hilarious'.  "Bananas may be in the spotlight today, but over Christmas our Diary is going to be causing more than a few chuckles when presents are opened."

Sir Norman has also lodged a formal complaint with the award organisers after he was pelted with tofu by a group of militant vegans whilst attempting to enter the hall.

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