An open letter from Sir Norman Wrassle to Mr Barry Gibb
Dear Mr Gibb
I was disappointed to learn that, in a recent interview on the BBC's flagship evening magazine programme The One Show, you said that you were ‘prepared to eat anything except tripe.’
It’s not easy trying to promote tripe. One of our former chief executives once compared it to “trying to push a heavy goods vehicle up an icy mountainside whilst wearing roller skates.” While it is true that tripe is not as popular as it once was, we have recently made great strides in restoring its fortunes by embracing the social media and by our policy of rigorously monitoring the media for negative uses of the word tripe.
At last, it has begun to appear as if our two key messages – Tripe: It’s Not Just For Dogs and Tripe: It’s Not Just For The Over 85s were starting to get through. We have introduced a Choose Tripe range of merchandise and only last month we sold a T-Shirt to a customer who is clearly very happy with his purchase.
In the last few weeks we have seen some real signs of progress being made. Having been stuck on 12 followers for nearly two years on Twitter, we now have more than 1,000 followers (excluding dogs).
To say that your comments on The One Show were a setback would be an understatement. Two people and one dog have already 'unfollowed' us on Twitter and we are preparing ourselves for more bad news. We are particularly disappointed by your comments as we understand that you are a good Northern lad originally from Chorlton in Manchester (which is now so upmarket that I doubt whether even you could afford to buy a house there).
What is particularly galling is that my wife has been a great fan of yours for many years. She is so upset by your comments that I had to do everything in my power to persuade her not to sell her extensive collection of Bee Gees records and memorabilia (including a signed portrait of your good self might I add) at a local car boot sale today.
The fight to restore tripe to the butchers’ blocks of Britain is not yet won. The Tripe Marketing Board needs all the help it can get in this battle. To compensate us for the damage your comments have done to the UK tripe industry in general and to our work in particular, we are appealing to your good nature by asking you to either take our Tripe Taste Challenge or (and this is my preferred option) to make a substantial donation to the Tripe Marketing Board’s marketing and promotion budget.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Norman Wrassle (Sir)