31 July 2013

An Open Letter to Geoffrey Boycott from Sir Norman Wrassle

Dear Mr Boycott

Sir Norman Wrassle
A very warm Lancashire welcome to the northern home - or should I say holiday home - of cricket. I trust this letter finds you well and anticipating the Test Match as much as I am.

I hope you will forgive my directness – which does not come easy from a Lancastrian – but I have been informed by our media monitors that you described the bowling of both Chris Broad and Steven Finn in the First Test as “tripe.”

The Tripe Marketing Board is working hard to stamp out the derogatory use of the word tripe, which we believe maligns our fine product.  Earlier this month, Andrew Percy, MP for Brigg and Goole -  another Yorkshireman, by the way - described Ken Clarke's views on Britain leaving the European Union as "utter tripe".

I am pleased to say that Mr Percy graciously apologised and accepted our invitation to take the Tripe Taste Challenge at a Morrison’s supermarket in Goole.

I hope, in the circumstances, that you will accept my invitation to take the Tripe Taste Challenge - ideally live on air during one of the many rain intervals which are unfortunately customary at Old Trafford.   It may well be the case that, as a Yorkshireman, you are in fact a lover of tripe – in which case it would be no great hardship for you to undertake the challenge. 

If, by any chance, you have not tried tripe, you can be assured that by sampling it you will be helping an industry which has declined over many decades and you will be joining a pantheon of sportsmen and women who have already acknowledged the role it can play in developing sporting prowess.  This list already includes Jessica Ennis, Dame Tanni Grey-Thompson and Norman Whiteside, of whom I am sure you will have fond memories as a renowned Manchester United supporter.  Is it too much to ask that we might add your name to such an illustrious list?

With best wishes for an enjoyable Test and may I take this opportunity to wish you a very happy Yorkshire Day.

Yours sincerely

Sir Norman Wrassle

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