31 October 2013

Chairman Calls For Aid From 'Real' Marketing People

Sir Norman Wrassle
The chairman of the Tripe Marketing Board, Sir Norman Wrassle, has  called for help from what he termed 'real' marketing people in his bid to promote the TMB's 2014 Diary in time for Christmas.

Speaking at a meeting of the Poulton Women's Institute yesterday, Sir Norman said: "I'm sorry, but however good we are at promoting tripe, we haven't a clue when it comes to books. We simply don't understand the paradox that is at the heart of marketing and we couldn't tell you whether differentiation and longevity are to be preferred to amplification and speed."

Sir Norman said he had long understood the maxim that 50% of the money spent on marketing was wasted, but wondered whether the figure wasn't nearer 100% when it came to marketing the TMB's books.

He told a stunned audience: "We are amateurs when it comes to promoting our Diary.  We simply haven't the money to compete with the likes of Random House and Macmillan.  Our three-figure budget was spent within weeks and, whilst we have arrested the decline in the sales of tripe  over the past year, there is no evidence that more than a few hundred people have yet bought the TMB's 2014 Diary."

The TMB 2014 Diary
He issued an appeal to marketing experts up and down the country to lend a hand.  "If nothing else, this slim volume gives an insight into how to make a product that attracts popular revulsion more appealing to the public.  It should be required reading in marketing classes up and down the land."

Whatever help outsiders could give would be welcome, he said, since 10% of profits from the sale of the Diary are pledged to the Snowdon Trust. "I'd like to think we can raise a few bob for these fine folk and help fund the TMB's own marketing plans for the next 12 months at the same time."

28 October 2013

TMB Denies Lobbying Claims

The Tripe Marketing Board has denied claims that it engaged in a ten year campaign of lobbying for tripe to be mentioned on the popular BBC Radio 4 sitcom, The Archers.

The claims were made by industry observers after the character Joe Grundy mentioned his favourite dish of tripe and vinegar during an episode first aired on 27 October.  In an exchange with another character, Mr Grundy was asked for a recipe for a book to raise funds for the church organ and responded: "Well how about tripe 'n' vinegar, then?"

In a statement issued this afternoon, TMB chairman Sir Norman Wrassle, said: "I don't deny that I may have mentioned in passing somewhere that it was time The Archers featured tripe, but this falls far short of concerted lobbying.  It is probably just a coincidence, as I am sure that Radio 4 is aiming for the same key under-85 demographic that we are."

25 October 2013

World Tripe Day Inauguration A 'Huge Success'

The Tripe Marketing Board's inaugural celebration of World Tripe Day (24 October 2013) has been acclaimed as a "huge success" by TMB chairman, Sir Norman Wrassle.

The new event for everyone's diary was proclaimed at 4pm yesterday by Mr Martin McEvoy, honorary president of the TMB in front of an audience of invited guests, celebrities and tripe lovers from across the country at a meeting at the House of Commons, London.

Mr McEvoy said: "I hereby formally inaugurate World Tripe Day 2013 as the first of what I hope will be many annual celebrations of a wonderful foodstuff that is sadly almost universally reviled in this country, but which we are determined will take its rightful place on the dinner tables and bookshelves of Britain – tripe.” 

The audience then joined in singing the Anthem To Tripe And Offal which Mr McEvoy had specially composed to mark the occasion.  The gathering had watched a presentation on The History of Tripe in 68 Slides which had been prepared by the TMB's resident historian, Dr Derek J Ripley.  Drawing on material from Professor Richard Hawkins' seminal A Brief History of Tripe, the presentation covered the first recorded mention of tripe in 37,987 BC in a cave painting discovered in caves near Oswaldtwistle in 1923 and moved swiftly through to the work done by the TMB to promote tripe over the last few years.

During discussion afterwards, celebrated cartoonist Mr Bill Tidy MBE shared recollections of his work on The Fosdyke Saga, a cartoon strip which ran in the Daily Mirror for many years until it was cruelly axed by noted tripe-hater Robert Maxwell.  Mr Tidy kindly donated a cartoon he had drawn to commemorate the first World Tripe Day and this will be auctioned in aid of funds for the Snowdon Trust, a charity that provides financial support to people with disabilities who need help accessing educational opportunities.

Others who were present to share their recollections were Fergus Henderson, owner of the St John restaurant in Smithfield, Radio 4 presenter Susan Rae, Baroness Tanni Grey-Thompson, Karen Buck MP, Roger Williams MP and a number of tripe lovers from across the country who had joined the celebrations.

TMB chairman Sir Norman Wrassle, who was unable to attend the event after he, Dr Ripley and a member of the TMB communications team were detained by security personnel  said: "I am delighted the celebration went ahead in my absence without any hitches. From the feedback I have seen, many people seem to have been either bemused or perplexed by the proceedings which is a good deal more than we could have hoped for. This can only bode well for the future."

23 October 2013

A New Day About To Dawn For Tripe!

The Tripe Marketing Board is making final preparations for the formal inauguration of World Tripe Day on 24 October 2013.

The inauguration is due to take place tomorrow afternoon in the House of Commons, London.  Guests at the event include paralympic athlete Baroness Tanni Grey-Thompson, celebrated cartoonist Bill Tidy, renowned London chef Fergus Henderson, BBC radio celebrity Susan Rae, TMB  honorary president Martin McEvoy and a representative group of tripe lovers from up and down the land.  The three main political parties will also be represented by MPs and the TMB has invited a select group of Twitter followers to join the celebrations.

TMB chairman Sir Norman Wrassle said: "This promises to be the most talked about event in the meat trade calendar for many years.  Other foodstuffs such as rice and Nutella have  their own celebrations, and rightly so.  From now on, tripe also has its day!"

Sir Norman said he was looking forward to the event immensely, as it marked the culmination of his personal 20 year mission to secure agreement from tripe marketing agencies across the world to the single celebratory day.   

The TMB has invited the public to tell us how they'll be celebrating World Tripe Day tomorrow.

24 October was chosen as the date after research by Dr Derek J Ripley, the TMB's resident historian, revealed that Samuel Pepys ate tripe on this day in 1662, when he wrote in his diary: "So home and dined there with my wife upon a most excellent dish of tripes of my own directing."  Dr Ripley discovered one other reference (9 April 1664) but on this occasion Dr Pepys threw up so it was not felt to be a suitable date on which to celebrate World Tripe Day.

Sir Norman said: "We hope there will be lots of interest in tripe up and down the land tomorrow, whether that be in restaurants, butchers' or bookshops, as we are also taking the opportunity to celebrate the launch of the TMB's 2014 Diary, now available to the wider general public for the first time."

17 October 2013

Pressure Mounts As World Tripe Day Approaches

The pressure on Blackpool South FC to maintain their unbeaten record in the Blackpool & District Youth League was mounting this week as they face tough opposition from fourth-placed FC Rangers Stripes in their fifth successive away game on Sunday 20 October.

Since the team were sponsored by the Tripe Marketing Board in the summer they haven't lost a match, pulling off a succession of away draws and an impressive away win in their first four matches of the season.

Speaking at a press conference in Preston earlier today, TMB chairman Sir Norman Wrassle quipped: "These boys have played away so often that, if they were an over 18 team, I imagine their wives and girlfriends would have had something to say about it!"

As the inaugural World Tripe Day approaches on 24 October, Sir Norman called on the lads to make a "supreme effort" on Sunday to ensure they maintained their unbeaten record.  "We're as proud as punch of the way they've played away so far. We know they'll be making an extra effort on Sunday to maintain the good name of tripe, which they proudly wear on their chests."

As it stands in the Under 15's Beta League
Sir Norman dismissed rumours that the team had no home ground as "fanciful fluff" and put the blame squarely at the feet of the Blackpool & District Youth League for arranging fixtures that had repeatedly been cancelled.  "The good news for fans of tripe and Blackpool South FC is that the team has a clutch of games in hand.  Only top of the league AFC Blackpool and ourselves have an unbeaten record.  Tripe's day will come!" he pledged. 

15 October 2013

TMB Denies Rumours Of Huge Increase In Tripe Sales

The Tripe Marketing Board has moved swiftly to deny media reports that sales of tripe have more than tripled during 2013.

Speaking at a meeting of the Parbold Ladies Circle last night, TMB chairman Sir Norman Wrassle dismissed the reports as "uninformed froth", and told the gathering: "While there is anecdotal evidence that tripe is becoming more popular, we have no firm evidence of any huge rise in sales.  It would be premature to claim such an increase at this stage."

The unattributed claims were published in the October issue of  Offal Monthly, which also ran an editorial suggesting that the Tripe Marketing Board was 'lying low' and deliberately keeping a low profile amid fears that it could be abolished if it was seen to have been too successful.

Sir Norman Wrassle
In response, Sir Norman said: "It's arrant nonsense to suggest we are worried we might go the way of our colleagues in the Milk Marketing Board. Tripe and milk are two very different products - even in our heyday we were never able to arrange daily deliveries of tripe to households all across Britain."

Sir Norman said that the TMB's decision to 'let go' of four of its communications staff who were responsible for the board's Twitter campaign was "entirely unconnected" and that this was a simple business decision designed to balance the TMB's books after an expensive summer promotion campaign.

"Our recent appeal to tripe lovers to help fund our campaigns was not the success we had hoped - although pledges totalling £55 would have doubled our marketing budget overnight.  Sadly, we did not meet our target and therefore we cannot call in the pledges, so our plans to make 2014 the Year of Tripe will have to be shelved just now," Sir Norman said.

Sir Norman said that the TMB would now focus its energies on the inauguration events for World Tripe Day on 24 October 2013.  "Those who have suggested we are not trying hard enough to promote tripe have obviously not tried flogging tripe themselves," he said.

10 October 2013

TMB Prepares For World Tripe Day Inauguration

The Tripe Marketing Board will be spending the next two weeks preparing for the inauguration of World Tripe Day on 24 October 2013.

The annual celebration of tripe will be launched at a high-profile event in the House of Commons involving sports celebrities, politicians, opera singers, chefs, radio celebrities and cartoonists who have all expressed an interest in tripe.

TMB Chairman Sir Norman Wrassle, speaking on his return from Bergerac where he was the guest of Tripiers De France, said: "We are sad that not everyone will be able to join us in London, but we hope nonetheless that there will be celebrations up and down the land whether that be in restaurants, butchers' or bookshops, so there should be plenty of opportunity for tripe lovers to join in."

1 October 2013

TMB Accuses Daily Mail Of Anti-Tripe Bias

Tripe Marketing Board chairman Sir Norman Wrassle has hit out at the Daily Mail after it published the results of a survey conducted by internet search engine Ask Jeeves which found that nearly three in ten of respondents had tried tripe and vowed never to eat it again.

Speaking from Bergerac, France where TMB staff are enjoying a 5 day team bonding and wine tasting break, Sir Norman said: “The Daily Mail has a history of tripe bashing and an anti-tripe agenda. They obviously waited until we were out of the country before publishing this rubbish. I will be taking this matter up with them when we return. I know how Ed Miliband must feel.

“I have never heard of Ask Jeeves but have been informed that it is an internet search engine. According to a straw poll the TMB has carried out, 98% of people we asked said they tried Ask Jeeves once but would never try it again.”