31 October 2013

Chairman Calls For Aid From 'Real' Marketing People

Sir Norman Wrassle
The chairman of the Tripe Marketing Board, Sir Norman Wrassle, has  called for help from what he termed 'real' marketing people in his bid to promote the TMB's 2014 Diary in time for Christmas.

Speaking at a meeting of the Poulton Women's Institute yesterday, Sir Norman said: "I'm sorry, but however good we are at promoting tripe, we haven't a clue when it comes to books. We simply don't understand the paradox that is at the heart of marketing and we couldn't tell you whether differentiation and longevity are to be preferred to amplification and speed."

Sir Norman said he had long understood the maxim that 50% of the money spent on marketing was wasted, but wondered whether the figure wasn't nearer 100% when it came to marketing the TMB's books.

He told a stunned audience: "We are amateurs when it comes to promoting our Diary.  We simply haven't the money to compete with the likes of Random House and Macmillan.  Our three-figure budget was spent within weeks and, whilst we have arrested the decline in the sales of tripe  over the past year, there is no evidence that more than a few hundred people have yet bought the TMB's 2014 Diary."

The TMB 2014 Diary
He issued an appeal to marketing experts up and down the country to lend a hand.  "If nothing else, this slim volume gives an insight into how to make a product that attracts popular revulsion more appealing to the public.  It should be required reading in marketing classes up and down the land."

Whatever help outsiders could give would be welcome, he said, since 10% of profits from the sale of the Diary are pledged to the Snowdon Trust. "I'd like to think we can raise a few bob for these fine folk and help fund the TMB's own marketing plans for the next 12 months at the same time."

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