30 April 2014

TMB Chairman confirms he will not stand in by-election

Tripe Marketing Board chairman, Sir Norman Wrassle today confirmed that he would not be standing as a candidate in the Newark by-election.  In a press statement issued earlier today, Sir Norman said: "I gave the matter some considerable thought last night and discussed it with my closest friends and confidants.  They convinced me that it would be a distraction from my main mission, which is to convince the people of Britain to try tripe."

The statement followed earlier media speculation on the matter.

Sir Norman said he did not rule out standing as an MP in the 2015 General Election, particularly if he thought the battle to increase tripe consumption was being won and he could find a seat where the population was made up largely of people over 85.

TMB Chairman denies media rumours

Sir Norman Wrassle
Tripe Marketing Board chairman, Sir Norman Wrassle, has denied media rumours that he will definitely be standing as a candidate in the forthcoming Newark by-election.

The election, caused by the resignation from Parliament of former Tory MP Patrick Mercer over a cash-for-questions scandal on Tuesday, has led to suggestions that Sir Norman will be standing on a 'Free Tripe For The Over-85s' ticket.

Speaking to Lancashire Radio on Tuesday evening, he said: "What I've got to work out is, is it the right seat for me?  I haven't particularly got connections with the local area, but against that, perhaps I'm quite well known.  So I've got to weigh it up, and by lunchtime tomorrow, I will have decided."

Sir Norman said he was unsure whether Newark was the right constituency to raise the tripe banner, but kept his options open by saying "I'm tempted!"

In a poll of tripe consumers in November 2013, over 65% said they would vote for a Tripe Party if it stood candidates in a general election.  "Voting Tripe would send a clear message to Westminster that people are looking for a change," Sir Norman said.   

27 April 2014

Chitterlings Less Popular Than Tripe

Tripe is now more popular than chitterlings, according to the latest survey of offal consumption by the European Consortium of Offal Producers.

The survey ranks tripe as 6th in a list of more than a dozen offal products that include heart, chitterlings and spleen.

Sir Norman Wrassle
Tripe Marketing Board chairman, Sir Norman Wrassle, called the results "encouraging" and said that as recently as 2004 tripe hadn't even featured in the top twelve of offal products.  Speaking at the Lytham St Annes League of Lady Welldoers' annual luncheon today, he said:  "We're delighted that tripe is making a comeback.  Chitterlings have always been something of a bĂȘte noire
for tripe, so it's particularly encouraging to see us overtaking them.  Nevertheless, this is no time for complacency."

Sir Norman promised that the Tripe Marketing Board would not be resting on its laurels.  "We've got liver in our sights, so it had better be careful!" he said.

9 April 2014

Offal Monthly slammed for false claims

Tripe Marketing Board chairman Sir Norman Wrassle has branded claims that the TMB is a 'spoof' organisation as "irresponsible journalism."

Sir Norman Wrassle
Last week's Offal Monthly carried a report suggesting that the TMB didn't really exist and that its website was run from a server located in the bedroom of a Chorley teenager.  It quoted 17 year old A-level student Jordan Hall as claiming to be the mastermind behind the the TMB: "Yep, it was me all along. I've been a vegetarian since I was 13 and I wanted to satirise the whole meat industry.  Tripe was ripe for it. It's horrible stuff," Jordan is reputed to have said.

The article went on to suggest that Jordan and his friend Wayne Oates had set up an elaborate social media presence designed to fool tripe lovers, including over 35 false identities including butchers, dogs, local politicians, tripe lovers and even members of the TMB Board.  Some of the Twitter accounts had been set up at least two years before the TMB website was launched in 2012, and Offal Monthly said this was evidence that the two friends had planned an elaborate charade.

Speaking from his Lytham home this morning, Sir Norman Wrassle said: "Our staff have been unable to locate either Mr Hall or Mr Oates and we note that this article was published on 1 April. I enjoy a joke as much as the next man, but this is irresponsible journalism and may have led some people to question the existence of the Tripe Marketing Board."

Sir Norman said this wasn't the first time such accusations had been made, but pointed out that Offal Monthly had taken a consistently anti-tripe position ever since the TMB had harnessed the social media to promote tripe. "It's not funny any more.  It's time they grew up," he said.

4 April 2014

Plain Packaging Could Tempt Youngsters

The Tripe Marketing Board has welcomed proposals for plain packaging as heralding a new 'Golden Era' for tripe.

Speaking at a business lunch yesterday, chairman Sir Norman Wrassle said the plans could only be good for the industry.  He pointed to surveys suggesting that many people were put off trying tripe by its appearance, and said: "This could be our secret weapon.  If we've got any hope whatsoever of tempting the younger generation to try tripe, then plain packaging is clearly the answer."

Under the proposals, tripe would be packaged in 200gm portions and the product would not be visible before unwrapping.  If adopted, the new packaging could be on the shelves as early as January 2016.
"This only leaves us with a couple of other areas identified by the surveys as potentially putting people off tripe - its smell, its texture and its taste," Sir Norman said, and he promised that work was being done to address these issues.