30 May 2014

TMB apologises for Euro poll bias

Tripe Marketing Board chairman Sir Norman Wrassle has apologised following accusations of party-political bias during last week's European elections.

The @TripeUK tweet which caused offence
The accusations followed a 'Tweet' from the TMB's official account, @TripeUK, which appeared to suggest that the organisation was opposed to the UK Independence Party (UKIP) and specifically to its leader Nigel Farage.

Addressing a meeting of the Chorley Ladies Circle yesterday, Sir Norman said: "I am not entirely humourless:  I understand this was a reference to a newspaper headline which appeared in a national newspaper some years ago.  But the Tripe Marketing Board is, and must remain, strictly neutral on political matters."

The intern responsible for the tweet has now been removed from their position.  Sir Norman underlined the TMB's neutrality by going on to say: "We want tripe to be enjoyed by people of all political persuasions - whether that be Labour, Conservative, Liberal or proto-fascist."

E-tripe will boost sales amongst younger people

Sir Norman relaxing with an E-tripe yesterday
Following extensive trials in Lancashire and parts of Cheshire and the Wirral, the Tripe Marketing Board has approved the launch of E-tripe - an electronic device to dispense vapourised tripe. 

TMB chairman Sir Norman Wrassle praised head of product development John Murray and said he had no doubt that E-tripe would help the TMB make huge inroads into the vital under 85 market in the UK.

Speaking at a press conference in Chorley yesterday, Sir Norman said: "I have tried these new E-tripes myself and I was surprised how pleasant they tasted.   Finding a product which can dispense tripe with none of the texture, flavour, odour or appearance normally associated with it has long been the Holy Grail of tripe retailers.  It looks like we've finally found it!"

Sir Norman said that e-tripe could appear on shelves as soon as autumn 2014, once a final decision had been made on branding and packaging.   He went on "Obviously, it will help with sales if we don't include the word 'tripe' in the name." 

28 May 2014

Tripe is appealling

The Tripe Marketing Board has asked its supporters to dig deep to help it fund its sponsorship of Blackpool South FC for the 2014-15 season.

Sir Norman Wrassle
For less than the price of a kilo of tripe in a fancy London butcher's you can help us by purchasing a copy of the TMB's first publication Forgotten Lancashire - now just £5.49 from this link!

TMB chairman Sir Norman Wrassle said: "We've come up with this deal as we need to raise enough cash to renew our sponsorship arrangement with Blackpool.   They're a fine bunch of lads and we'd like to see them build on their debut in the Blackpool & District Youth League."

Sir Norman explained that the TMB's sponsorship coffers were running low, but that tripe lovers could help by buying the TMB's publications:  "The days when we could rely on grants from the EEC or East Lancashire District Council are long gone.  Our only source of income is through the sales generated by our publishing division."

Blackpool South FC
If you'd rather help by purchasing a Kindle version of Forgotten Lancashire, then £3 per copy will go straight toward our sponsorship fund.  Alternatively, you can make a donation by visiting this page.  Every penny helps, and every penny will go to Blackpool South FC.

Last year's sponsorship took the media by surprise, garnering coverage all over the world and in the Blackpool Gazette.  Sir Norman said: "We'd love to sponsor them for the 2014-15 season. I'd hate to see British Spleen steal a march on us - or even worse, the vegans."

21 May 2014

Tripe Wrap trials to start in Bolton

Trials of a new fast-food experience - the Tripe Wrap - will begin this week in Bolton, as the Tripe Marketing Board seeks new ways to persuade people to eat tripe.

The Tripe Wrap - a sheet of white tripe wrapped around a choice of hot and cold fillings - offers customers a quick, portable and nutricious gastronomic experience and will be available in a small number of selected outlets as the trial is rolled out.

The TMB's head of product development Mr John Murray, said: "We have high hopes that the Tripe Wrap will help us break into the lucrative 18 - 35 year old market."

Initially, the wraps will come with a choice of hot or cold mashed potato and onions, but further fillings are planned if the trial is a success.

18 May 2014

TMB apologises for using sex to promote tripe

Tripe Marketing Board chairman Sir Norman Wrassle today apologised for any offence caused by the recent coverage of  'tripe smoothies' in the media.

Tripe in the 1950s
Speaking at a meeting of the Parbold Methodist Circle, he said: "I know some people will have been alarmed when they opened their Sunday papers this morning to see the coverage of the Hyde tripe retailer who has developed the tripe smoothie as a way to promote sales.  In particular, they may have taken offence at the suggestion that tripe can enhance the libido."

The claim originates from an internet reference that Sir Norman said was "completely unverifiable,"  but which had lodged itself in the public's consciousness thanks to sloppy journalism.

Sir Norman went on to say: "We have a long tradition of promoting the benefits of tripe in a discrete way.  We're not really in the business of using sex to sell our product - not at the moment, anyway."

16 May 2014

TMB aknowledges failures in marketing strategy

The Tripe Marketing Board is to pay out £1,200 to some of its customers following an investigation into mis-selling by the industry regulator.  OffOffal said it was the largest penalty paid to date by a meat-based marketing board, and it followed an investigation which unearthed "extensive poor sales practices" amongst staff selling on the doorstep and via social networking sites.
The TMB has apologised to its customers and has promised to pay compensation to anyone who was mis-sold tripe.

Sir Norman Wrassle
TMB chairman Sir Norman Wrassle said: "I am personally absolutely devastated by this, and I'm sure my colleagues across the country are equally devastated".  He told Lancashire Radio that he took full responsibility for the failings, but said he would not be resigning as a result. However he said his bonus for the year to 2014 would be cut by "around 2%".

OffOffal says the mis-selling took place over a two year period, between December 2012 and December 2013.  Some customers were apparently misled by sales staff into thinking tripe was a form of fish and some may have been given the impression that tripe was easy to cook and odourless.

The TMB has now stopped all cold-calling by telephone as well.  It is thought that almost 200 customers have been affected by the mis-selling, representing over 90% of all tripe consumers in the UK.

Sir Norman promised a 'root and branch' review of the TMB's marketing strategy.  "I'm particularly sorry if we have offended any vegetarians by aggressively targeting them with our sales techniques.  I'm not so worried about the vegans - they get what they deserve," he said.

14 May 2014

TMB praises tripe smoothie as being in the vanguard of product innovation

Manchester Evening News
Tripe Marketing Board chairman Sir Norman Wrassle today praised Hyde tripe retailer, Lyndon Boot, for taking a brave step forward in product innovation.

Mr Boot launched his tripe smoothies as part of the Love Your Market campaign at Hyde Market  and they featured in an article in today's Manchester Evening News.

Sir Norman said: "This is exactly the kind of thing we need more tripe retailers to do if we're to persuade an unsuspecting public to try tripe.  If I were in the habit of wearing a hat, I'd be taking it off to Mr Boot!"

Liquidised tripe was a staple part of Olympic athlete Jessica Ennis' diet when she was a child

Sir Norman went on to say that the Tripe Marketing Board had other plans for new products that would be finding their way to the kitchen table in 2015, in an effort to persuade younger consumers to give tripe a try.  "It's more important than ever that we break into the lucrative under 85 market, and retailers like Mr Boot are in the vanguard of that bid," he said.

6 May 2014

2014 TRIPE Award for Literature

2014 TRIPE Award for Literature
The prestigious 2014 TRIPE award for literature has this year been awarded to serial entrepreneur and TV celebrity Alan Sugar for his controversial manual on business, The Way I See It.

Speaking at Saturday's glittering award ceremony in Poulton-le-Fylde, Tripe Marketing Board chairman Sir Norman praised Lord Sugar for his sensitive use of language, saying: "The book is peppered with numerous references to things Lord Sugar doesn't like, and he pulls no punches in describing these as  'a load of rubbish' and 'a load of tutt.'  Never once does he use the word 'tripe' in a negative way, and this alone drew the attention of the judges."

"It's rare to see a celebrity who writes in such a sensitive way.  We had no hesitation in awarding Lord Sugar our highest accolade this year," Sir Norman said.

Sir Norman - who is currently working on his own autobiography, A Life of Tripe, said he had learned a lot by reading the book and he was particularly impressed with Lord Sugar's ability to arrange empty clam shells on a plate to impress the waiters in his favourite Italian restaurant. "It's something we can all learn from," he said.

5 May 2014

April sales "disappointing"

Tripe sales during April 2014 were lower than anticipated and the Tripe Marketing Board has called on outlets to redouble their efforts to persuade people to try tripe.

Sir Norman Wrassle
Speaking at an industry lunch in Bolton today, TMB chairman Sir Norman Wrassle said: "I think there is a tendency for some tripe retailers to think that we here at the TMB have all the answers. We don't. I'd like to see them taking the initiative - perhaps by offering 'two for one' deals or by aggressively discounting to attract new customers."

Sir Norman said he was in no doubt that, without the efforts of the TMB, tripe sales would have "fallen off a cliff."  Instead, the decline in sales had been much slower than industry analysts had predicted.  "Fewer people than ever might be eating tripe, but that's no excuse to give up the ghost.  We might not be the most popular meat on the butcher's block, but we've got plenty of character!" he said.

Sir Norman pointed to the success of the TMB's social networking campaign as evidence that tripe could make a comeback: "I'm told we have over 3,000 'followers' on Twitter -  that's more than the entire population of Parbold!"  It was a figure which Sir Norman said his grandparents would have found astonishing.  "I understand we're the most popular offal-based Twitter account in Europe,"  he said.

2 May 2014

Scottish Tripe 'guilty of fundamental error' says TMB chairman

TMB chairman has accused Quality Meat Scotland (QMS) of making a huge error of judgement by publishing graphic images of tripe processing on the internet.

The images - most of which are too disturbing to republish here - show tripe in its unprocessed form.  They are freely available on the QMS website, which includes detailed instructions for the industrial preparation of tripe.

QMS 'Fact Sheet'
Speaking at a meeting of the Bolton Soroptomists last night, TMB chairman Sir Norman Wrassle apologised on behalf of the tripe industry when he learned that one member's 13 year old grandson had been severely traumatised after stumbling on the images while researching a school project.

Sir Norman said: "We're not in the business of terrifying young lads. I think QMS are guilty of making a fundamental error of judgement by publishing these images. In our experience south of the border, it's much better to use images of cows grazing languidly in a field, or people tucking into a nice plate of tripe and onions."

Sir Norman said the industry had a responsibility to promote tripe in a positive  way. "Graphic images of the unprocessed insides of a cow don't help.  Generations of tripe dressers - who are trained to bleach, clean and prepare tripe to make it publicly presentable - could have told QMS that," he said, promising he would be writing a strongly-worded letter to Scottish Tripe.

Sir Norman went on to say that the Scottish project had cost in the region of £300,000 and contrasted it with the TMB's own 'modest' budget which had done much more to promote tripe in the same period.