17 September 2014

TMB reveals contingency plans for Scottish independence

The Tripe Marketing Board has acknowledged that it has detailed contingency plans in the event of the Scottish people voting for independence tomorrow.

Sir Norman Wrassle
Speaking at a press conference in Carlisle earlier today, TMB chairman Sir Norman Wrassle said: "It should come as no surprise to industry observers that we have been working behind the scenes on proposals to ensure that tripe is properly marketed 'north of the border'.  That's why I'm so pleased to be here in Scotland today".

The plans include:
  • the immediate establishment of a Glasgow office for the TMB, which would be renamed Scottish Tripe
  • the re-branding of Lancashire Calamari as Deep Fried Cow Bars north of the border
  • the appointment of Mr Henry Wrassle as the interim chairman of Scottish Tripe
  • a poster campaign promoting tripe at selected bus stops in Coatbridge
  • the translation of selected TMB books into Gaelic
  • the establishment of an independent Scottish Tripe Twitter account, @ScottishTripe  
Sir Norman's comments came after the TMB's plans were leaked to Offal Monthly by a disenchanted intern, who has since been dismissed. The intern had also sought to undermine the TMB's Twitter Tripe Dog 2014 contest by suggesting that cats could enter the competition.

Mr Henry Wrassle, who has previously held a number of senior positions in the tripe industry, said he was delighted to be appointed as interim chairman of Scottish Tripe. "I have regularly holidayed in Mull, so I feel I have a great affinity with Scotland," he said.

With hours to go before the polls close in the independence vote. Sir Norman said: "Our advice to the people of Scotland is clear.  Vote 'Yes' for independence, and buy more tripe.  If you vote 'No', you should also buy more tripe".

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