27 February 2015

TMB to relaunch Tripe Club

The Tripe Marketing Board has announced that it will be re-launching Tripe Club later this year, in an effort to market tripe to a new generation of potential consumers.

The original Tripe Club had over 30,000 members and is fondly remembered by tripe consumers all over the world.  An original 1960s Tripe Club badge recently sold for over £3 on the internet auction site eBay, and  plans for the new club membership pack include a replica of the badge, a signed photograph of TMB chairman Sir Norman Wrassle and a reprint of A Brief History of Tripe, the seminal work on tripe by Professor Richard Hawkins.

Speaking at a meeting of the Preston League of Radical Gentlewomen earlier today, Sir Norman said: "The relaunch of Tripe Club is something we've been considering for some time.  What we like to call 'Generation Tripe' - those who have grown up in the post-war period of affluence and who have been seduced by other foodstuffs such as spaghetti hoops and Pop Tarts - are starting to rekindle their love of a product they remember from their childhood, even if not always fondly.  Tripe Club could be the key to making 2015 the Year of Tripe".

Sir Norman confirmed that Tripe Club members would also receive a signed membership certificate, a limited edition fridge magnet and vouchers for discounts at selected tripe retailers.  "The first rule of Tripe Club is that you've got to be a member, although we may be a little hampered in promoting that rule as the second rule says that you can't tell people you're in it," he said.

Typical tripe consumer is changing says new study

The face of the typical tripe consumer is changing, according to research conducted for the Tripe Marketing Board earlier this month by ABMG, the Bolton-based polling organisation.

TMB spring poster campaign
The research reveals that the average tripe consumer is now more likely to be a woman aged between 62 and 73 with a university degree who has a high disposable income and enjoys three Mediterranean holidays a year.   When not socialising with friends, she enjoys reading, trips to the cinema and long walks with her terrier, and is most probably called Maureen.  She's most likely to live in Bath and is as adventurous in bed as she is in the kitchen.  

Welcoming the results, TMB chairman Sir Norman Wrassle said: "Although this study excluded dogs, who are still the biggest consumer of tripe by a long chalk, it's wonderful news and gives the lie to those who claim we're not moving with the times". 

Sir Norman advised tripe retailers to adapt their sales strategies to cater for the new consumer.  "We'll be launching our new poster campaign in the spring to capitalise on the results of this survey and we hope butchers will do all they can to make our offer more attractive to tripe-curious women of all ages," he said.

23 February 2015

TMB salutes bravery of Mr Tom Walshe

The Tripe Marketing Board yesterday reached a new high water mark in the social media when it attracted its 7000th follower on Twitter.

The achievement is all the more remarkable as the TMB has never bought a single follower - although it has previously admitted offering bribes.

Mr Tom Walshe
Speaking at a meeting of the Westhaughton Women's League earlier today, TMB chairman Sir Norman Wrassle said: "At around 5.35pm on Sunday evening, Mr Tom Walshe from Norfolk became the 7000th person to 'follow' @TripeUK on Twitter.  When we first embarked on what we like to call our 'Twitter journey' in 2007, we little thought we could attract so many supporters.  We know that many people find it embarrassing to be publicly associated with tripe, so I'd like to extend my personal thanks to Mr Walshe for taking what we know is a brave step".

Sir Norman said that the TMB was "on course" to meet its target of 10,000 followers by 2020.  "We know there are many more tripe lovers out there in the social media.  It's only a matter of time before they follow us," he said.

TMB denies 'cash for tripe' allegations

Two senior figures in the Tripe Marketing Board have strenuously denied allegations that they have  made cash payments to persuade people to eat tripe. 

Sir Norman Wrassle
TMB director of finance Mr Basil Chambers and chairman Sir Norman Wrassle were  secretly filmed apparently offering cash to reporters from the Wigan on Sunday newspaper who were posing as staff of a fake Chinese firm.

Both Mr Chambers and Sir Norman have denied any wrongdoing and have referred themselves to the industry regulator, OffOffal.

It is claimed that Sir Norman was recorded describing how he operated "under the radar" and had used his influence to persuade people to eat tripe. On the subject of payment, Sir Norman is heard saying: "So normally, if I'm doing a speech or something, we have to pay them £500 - it's just the going rate to get onto a platform to promote tripe these days".

Sir Norman last night clarified his statement.  "I was talking about major conferences - not about my usual schedule of talks to Womens' Institutes and suchlike.  Such engagements are usually arranged by my office and might involve a token gift of tripe or perhaps one of the books published by TMB Books.  I think that is quite usual in the world of meat-based marketing, so I don't think we've done anything wrong".

20 February 2015

Tripe Goes to Kendal!

The latest stage of the Tripe Marketing Board's The Future's Tripe campaign will see the TMB taking to the road and visiting Kendal in Cumbria later today.

Sir Norman Wrassle
The campaign - designed to 'reconquer the heartlands' of tripe - is part of the 2015 'Year of Tripe' initiative and will include a visit to the town by the TMB's Battle Bus, members of the popular Men in White team of tripe ambassadors and TMB chairman Sir Norman Wrassle.

Sir Norman will also be attending the launch event for TMB Books' latest publication, My Camel's Name is Brian, by Cumbrian poet Jonathan Humble.  Speaking prior to his departure from the Preston offices of the TMB, Sir Norman said:  "This is an historic day for tripe.  Even in its heyday, the Egg Marketing Board never dreamed of publishing a collection of egg-based poetry". 

Sir Norman said that before the launch at the Brewery Arts Centre tonight, he planned to spend an hour or two visiting the town centre, where he would be dropping in on selected butchers to discuss the TMB's promotional plans for 2015. "We've got high hopes for tripe in Kendal.  Our research suggests there are plenty of sheep dogs in the area, so it really does present a tremendous opportunity to increase sales," he said.

18 February 2015

TMB is not dishonest says chairman

The Tripe Marketing Board has rejected claims that its latest publication contains hidden messages designed to persuade people to buy more tripe.

The claims were made in this month’s issue of Dromedary Monthly, the magazine for UK camel enthusiasts, following the launch of My Camel’s Name is Brian by Jonathan Humble under the TMB Books imprint, but TMB chairman Sir Norman Wrassle today dismissed the suggestions as “nonsense dressed up as gibberish”.

Sir Norman Wrassle
Sir Norman told a meeting of the West Morecambe Soroptomists that the TMB had always been open and honest about its publishing strategy. “I don’t think anyone could accuse us of trying to pretend that Mr Humble’s book is not tripe.  Admittedly, it is what might be termed ‘tripe-lite’ – a new genre of fiction that doesn’t include much tripe at all.  Nevertheless, there’s plenty to attract the tripe aficionado.”

The TMB’s publishing arm, TMB Books, is no stranger to controversy.  Its first publication, Forgotten Lancashire and Parts of Cheshire and the Wirral, was described by Lancashire Today magazine as a ‘thinly-veiled attempt to persuade people to eat tripe’, while Bookseller's Quarterly called it 'perhaps the weakest local history book we've ever read'.

Sir Norman said he was personally delighted by the response to My Camel’s Name is Brian.  “If anyone reads it and goes on to buy some tripe and actually eats it, then that’s just a bonus,” he said.

Respected Barnsley beat poet Sir Ian McKellen has said of the book: “Some of this work is tripe and some of this work is not tripe, but even the work that is not tripe is tripe of the highest order of tripe".

Doreen Grey, head of publishing at TMB Books, said “We’re planning to use that quote to publicise Jonathan's book once we work out what it means, and we’ll be sending Sir Ian a token of our esteem in due course”.

16 February 2015

Tripe proud to be in the vanguard of offal renaissance

The Tripe Marketing Board has congratulated colleagues in the offal processing industry for making major advances in promoting their products over the last 12 months.

In a speech delivered to the Annual Luncheon of the Formby Ladies' Circle, TMB chairman Sir Norman Wrassle said he was delighted at the progress that has been made.

Sir Norman said: "These are exciting times for lung, spleen, pizzle and testicles.  I like to think that tripe has led the way over the last few years, but it's nonetheless pleasing that these less popular foodstuffs are also moving forward".

Sir Norman was speaking on the day that British Spleen officially launched its new website.  "I want to extend my hearty congratulations to our colleagues in British Spleen. They've got a tough task - someone once said spleen "tasted of death, and chewy death at that," which is possibly a little unfair.  What is certain is that as more and more people experiment with other kinds of offal, it can only be good for tripe," he said.

Sir Norman said there were encouraging signs that the first quarter 2015 sales of tripe would surprise industry analysts: "We even heard a report today that someone had visited the Basingstoke branch of Morrisons specifically to buy tripe.  That's got to be a first!"

13 February 2015

Fifty Shades of Grey 'not tripe' says TMB

The Tripe Marketing Board has moved swiftly to clarify its relationship with the recently-released film Fifty Shades of Grey, following extensive comments in the social media that appeared to link tripe with the movie.

Speaking at a meeting of the Longridge Women's Council this afternoon, TMB chairman Sir Norman Wrassle said: "I would like to make it clear that this film is nothing to do with us.  Although I haven't seen it myself, I am told it includes scenes depicting adults engaging in M&S. This is not something we would ever condone, whether consenting or otherwise.  We have never believed in forcing tripe down people's throats. That was an isolated incident and, anyway, was almost five years ago".

Sir Norman said the TMB was working hard to rebut comments on Twitter which described the film as 'tripe'.  "We are doing our best to protect the image of our fine product and have drafted in a number of interns to respond to the deluge of  'tweets', but we simply haven't got the budget to counter them," he said.

Sir Norman said that public reaction to the film has been almost universally negative.  He went on to say: "We can't stand idly by without properly challenging these negative associations.  Our plans to promote tripe in 2015 could be seriously threatened by them."

11 February 2015

Tripe Avoidance and Evasion: A Statement

The Tripe Marketing Board today issued a statement to clarify its position on tripe avoidance, following accusations that it was failing in its stated aim of educating the British public about eating tripe as part of a healthy, balanced diet.

The accusations, made in the February issue of the industry journal Offal Monthly, were dismissed by TMB chairman Sir Norman Wrassle as "pure fabrication".  In a formal statement issued this afternoon, Sir Norman said: "If we've learned anything over the last 60 years it's this: when people choose to avoid or evade tripe, there is in fact very little we can do.  All the marketing in the world won't change their mind".

Sir Norman said he was nonetheless heartened by the advances the TMB had made in promoting tripe.  "Some of the finest minds in the world of advertising have tried their best to persuade people to try tripe.  We do think we are starting to have an impact, but I think some people might have unrealistic expectations," he said. 

In a separate statement, Sir Norman confirmed that the TMB had, for a number of years, maintained a number of offshore bank accounts in the Isle of Man.  "There is nothing inherently illegal in it. It's actually just a matter of convenience for our Director of Finance, Basil Chambers, who has a holiday home on the island," he said.

6 February 2015

TMB denies over-use of denials to promote tripe

The Tripe Marketing Board has denied that it has regularly issued denials as a way to garner media headlines, following accusations made by the editor of Offal Monthly in a radio interview earlier today.

Mr Ken Todd, who has edited the industry journal since 1997, claimed to have analysed over 2,000 press releases issued by the TMB from March to October 2014 and suggested that the regular use of denials was a ploy to ensure that tripe remained in the headlines.  Mr Todd's claim was made in a wide-ranging interview on the cable radio show Butcher's Review

Responding to Mr Todd's comments this afternoon, TMB chairman Sir Norman Wrassle said: "It's ridiculous to suggest that we have deliberately denied things just to grab a few front pages.  Mr Todd is a respected journalist and he should know better than to make accusations like this."

Sir Norman said that the TMB's own analysis showed that its media team had issued fewer than 150 denials in the period under question. "That seems reasonable to me," Sir Norman said.

2 February 2015

New board member appointed at TMB

The Tripe Marketing Board has announced the appointment of a new board member with special responsibility for East London and West Kent.

Mr Jack Hargreaves
TMB chairman Sir Norman Wrassle denied that Mr Jack Hargreaves' appointment was a response to criticism that the TMB's board was becoming 'too veggie'.  Confirming the new face at the TMB, Sir Norman said: "I would like to welcome Jack to the TMB, but it's ridiculous to suggest that he's joining us as part of some cynical move to bolster carnivores on the board".

An editorial in the January issue of Offal Monthly had suggested that the TMB was 'top heavy' with vegetarians and vegans.  "We are an equal opportunity marketing board and welcome members from across the spectrum, whether they be meat-eaters or vegans - although clearly our target consumer is someone who is partial to meat and tripe," Sir Norman said.