30 September 2015

It's official! Tripe is now less unpopular than Marmite

Courtesy: Daily Telegraph
A recent food poll has shown that Marmite is now more unpopular than tripe.  The poll - commissioned by BBC Good Food - puts tripe in 8th position behind such universally reviled foodstuffs as liver, brussels sprouts and mushrooms.

Tripe Marketing Board chairman Sir Norman Wrassle broadly welcomed the news.  "Nobody likes their product to appear in a list of hated foods, but if  we have to be in one, it's obviously encouraging that we've beaten Marmite," he said.

Sir Norman said that tripe's position in the food league tables has fluctuated over the years.  In 2014, it failed to appear in a top 10 list of disliked foods published by the food giant BirdsEye.

"These polls are just a bit of fun - here at the TMB we don't take them too seriously.  But we've got celery in our sights for next year," he added.

28 September 2015

Tripe Appeals to Labour

The Tripe Marketing Board has appealed to the Labour Party not to rush to support anti-austerity measures in an attempt to make itself more attractive to the electorate.

Sir Norman Wrassle
Speaking at a lunchtime fringe meeting at Labour's Annual Conference in Brighton today, TMB chairman Sir Norman Wrassle pointed to the "proud history" of links between the tripe industry and the working class.

"When I think of tripe and Labour, I think of people like Bessie Braddock, Ernie Bevan and Manny Shinwell.  These are the working class folk who built the Labour Party into what it is today," he said.

Sir Norman - who was the guest of the Amalgamated Association of Tripe Dressers -  said that jettisoning austerity measures at this stage threatened to undermine the recent improvement in tripe sales. He told an audience of almost twenty people: "Grinding austerity works for tripe.  It forces people to think of utilising cheaper cuts of meat like heart, lungs, spleen - and yes, tripe. We have at last slowed the historic decline that has bedeviled the industry since 1954.  Dozens of jobs could be at risk.  I appeal to you - don't throw these advances away!"

Speaking afterwards, Sir Norman said that the TMB would nonetheless work with a Corbyn administration were it to be elected in 2020.  "We will work with whoever is in power to make sure that tripe has a future for our children, our children's children and our children's children's children," he said.

21 September 2015

TMB denies exploiting Pig Gate

The Tripe Marketing Board has rejected claims that it has exploited media coverage of a prominent politician’s alleged involvement with a pig in order to promote sales of tripe.

The allegations were made earlier today by the editor of Offal Monthly during a lunchtime interview on Lancashire Radio’s popular Lunch With Les show, when he described the Tweeting of a screenshot of a Daily Mirror poll as "shameless". 

The controversial @TripeUK Tweet
In a statement issued this afternoon, TMB chairman Sir Norman Wrassle said: 

“I would like to make it clear that whatever the Prime Minister is alleged to have done – or not done – with a dead pig is of no concern to the Tripe Marketing Board.  It’s our job to promote tripe.  The fact that sales of pork are likely to decline is a happy accident for us and tripe retailers would never forgive us if we didn’t make the most of this opportunity”.

Sir Norman said that the TMB was celebrating recruiting its 9000th ‘follower’ on Twitter, the social media platform which allows tripe lovers the world over to join together to celebrate tripe.  “I’m only sorry that this so-called ‘Pig Gate’ scandal has rather taken the gloss off our achievements today,” he said.

To celebrate the milestone, the TMB this evening begins giving away 9 Tripe Marketing Board pens to random Twitter followers.  "It's a little marketing tip I picked up from a chat show host I know," Sir Norman said.   

13 September 2015

New faces at the TMB

The Tripe Marketing Board today announced the appointment of two new board members, following the completion of a strategic review of tripe marketing in Britain and overseas.

Wyatt Bell
The new appointments complete what TMB chairman Sir Norman Wrassle described as "our final re-shuffle of 2015".

A new position of Head of Global Supply Chain and Regional Director for German-speaking parts has been taken up by Wyatt Bell, who has worked in logistics for over 30 years and now lives in Switzerland.

Meanwhile, Holly Jahangiri takes up the post of Regional Director for US South East.

"Both Wyatt and Holly join us at a critical time for tripe," Sir Norman said.  "This week's successful re-launch of Tripe Club means we have a real chance of connecting with a new generation - those who are under 85."

Holly Jahangiri
Sir Norman said he had been impressed by Mr Wyatt's northern roots and his clear commitment to tripe.  "I am sure he will take us forward to a time when tripe is once again a popular dish on the tables of Britain and the pistes of Switzerland,"  he said.

Welcoming the appointment of Mrs Jahangiri, Sir Norman commended her efforts to promote tripe through the creation of a number of YouTube videos.  "Adventures in Tripe shows that tripe doesn't have to be difficult to prepare.  I hope those who watch Holly's videos are encouraged to give tripe a try," he said.  

Sir Norman thanked Mr Geoff Gander, Regional Director for Canada, who had completed his term as a board member and was now retiring.  "He was a huge asset to us as we sought to spread the word about tripe in the former dominions," Sir Norman said.

Corbyn victory "a disaster" says TMB chairman

Tripe Marketing Board chairman Sir Norman Wrassle has hailed the recent election of Jeremy Corbyn as leader of the Labour Party as "potentially disastrous for tripe".

Speaking from his Lytham home this afternoon, Sir Norman said that Mr Corbyn - a noted vegetarian who does not drink alcohol  - "comes from the other side of the tracks" and said his threat to end austerity could well sound the death-knell for the UK tripe industry.

In a wide-ranging interview with Lancashire Radio which is expected to be broadcast tomorrow, Sir Norman said that the TMB had until 2020 to make the most of grinding austerity by persuading the British public that tripe was a cheap and nutritious foodstuff.  "Without austerity, tripe is nothing," he said.

Sales of tripe have been declining at a significantly lower pace over the last five years, as more and more people have seen their budgets squeezed, but Sir Norman said this trend could easily be thrown into reverse. "The last thing we need is someone like Jeremy Corbyn telling folk that they don't have to eat tripe," he said. 

8 September 2015

August tripe sales hit by wet weather

Sales of tripe in August 2015 were lower than anticipated - due in part to a wetter-than-average month which saw 22 per cent more rain than usual.

Sir Norman Wrassle
Tripe Marketing Board chairman Sir Norman Wrassle admitted that the figures were "disappointing for tripe," a dish which is often served with salad in warmer, Summer months. Year-on-year sales were down by 0.00015gm per person,  although Sir Norman pointed out that this fall was lower than in any previous 12 month period since 1954.

"September is traditionally a good month for tripe, so we hope we can recover to ensure buoyant Quarter 3 figures," he said.

Sir Norman described the decision by the BBC to drop the Met Office as its main weather information provider as "encouraging".  "We need an optimistic forecaster who can predict decent weather, allowing tripe retailers to properly plan demand for tripe that doesn't lead to them holding unwanted stocks.  This has to be good news for tripe," he said.

Tripe Club formally launched

Tripe Marketing Board chairman has hailed 7 September 2015 as "an historic day for tripe" after yesterday saw the formal launch of Tripe Club, the official membership organisation for lovers of tripe.

Tripe Club Membership Pack
The Club, which was launched at a glittering ceremony at the Theatre Royal, Drury Lane last night, has already enrolled its first members.  Sir Norman, who was unable to attend the ceremony himself, said he had high hopes that the Club would help tripe become a force to be reckoned with in the world of meat-based marketing.

"The original Tripe Club closed its doors in 1972.  The fact that we have been able to re-launch it is testimony to the huge interest we are beginning to see in tripe," he said.

Membership of the Club costs £9.99 and includes a copy of A Brief History of Tripe, a membership certificate, a limited-edition fridge magnet, a signed photograph of Sir Norman Wrassle and  a stylish TMB pen, together with vouchers worth £10 for tripe savings.

Full details and an application form can be found here.

5 September 2015

TMB defends social media re-brand

The Tripe Marketing Board today responded forcefully to suggestions that its recent social media re-branding programme was 'derivative, completely unnecessary and a waste of marketing resources'.

The TMB's 'new look' Twitter logo
The accusations, made in the September edition of Offal Monthly, come after the TMB unveiled new images for its Twitter and Facebook presence earlier this week.

Speaking from his Lytham home, TMB chairman Sir Norman Wrassle said: "Like any forward-thinking marketing agency we have to move with the times.  We regularly review our social media activities and take advice from experts who know about these things."   He went on to dismiss the criticism as "sour grapes", saying that tripe retailers knew the importance of appealing to younger consumers and that the re-brand had cost "hundreds, rather than thousands".

The new look for tripe - which will be extended to packaging and bus advertising in due course - comes as the TMB re-launches Tripe Club, a new membership organisation that echoes the children's club that ran from the 1950s through until 1972.

"I'm confident people will enjoy being part of a new community of tripe lovers and that they will wear their Tripe Club badges and flourish their Tripe Club pens with pride," Sir Norman said.