28 September 2018

Full scale inquiry launched into leak of TMB correspondence

Tripe Marketing Board chairman Sir Norman Wrassle has launched a full-scale inquiry into a series of potentially damaging leaks of private correspondence from his personal office.

This follows the unauthorised release into the public domain of a letter which Sir Norman had planned to send to Frank Field, MP for Birkenhead and comes after an earlier letter to Daily Mail columnist Dan Hodges also found its way onto social media.

In a statement issued last night, Sir Norman apologised for any distress caused to tripe lovers. "The letter to Mr Field was one of a number I planned to write to potential candidates for a new Tripe Party," he said, adding: "The fact that it has found its way on to Twitter is a source of deep regret."

Sir Norman said that the TMB might need to re-think its plans for a Tripe Party as a result of the leak. "It is increasingly clear that there are individuals within our organisation who seek to undermine its purpose. I am extending the inquiry I opened as a result of the earlier leak to a full inquiry and I will be interviewing staff, interns, board members and my personal entourage so that we can determine the source," he said.

He appealed to tripe lovers not to allow the episode to distract them from the valuable work the TMB was doing to promote World Tripe Day on 24 October 2018.

The letter to Mr Field - which Sir Norman had not actually sent at the time of the leak - is reproduced below and anyone with information which might lead to the source of the leak is asked to contact the TMB to assist us with our inquiries. 

25 September 2018

Chairman denies sending letter to Dan Hodges

The chairman of the Tripe Marketing Board Sir Norman Wrassle has issued the following statement in connection with a draft letter which has been circulating in the social media:

Sir Norman Wrassle
"On Monday 24 September 2018 I was presented with a draft letter to send to Mr Dan Hodges of the Daily Mail. This followed discussions within our marketing team about how minor celebrities might be recruited to help the TMB promote tripe, perhaps by agreeing to become the Face of Tripe and to help us celebrate World Tripe Day on 24 October.

"It is important to recognise that I got as far as reading the words 'Mr DPJ Hodges' and 'Daily Mail' and read no further. This is because the TMB has a long-held policy of not advertising our product in that newspaper as we have learned that its readers are unable to distinguish between tripe and its editorial content.

"Nevertheless, the letter was somehow 'leaked' and has now been retweeted many times on Twitter. I would therefore like to apologise to tripe lovers across the country and reassure them that there are no serious attempts to associate Mr Hodges with our fine product."

Sir Norman has confirmed that an investigation has been opened to discover the source of the leak. The letter is reproduced below. If anyone has any information as to how it came to be made public, they should contact the TMB immediately.

13 September 2018

Tripe Bursary Fund launched

The Tripe Marketing Board today announced the launch of a new Tripe Bursary Fund.  Grants of up to £500 per year are available for young people under the age of 18 to buy tripe who do not currently have access to it because they come from wealthy families who will not buy tripe or because they are being brought up by parents who are vegan.

Speaking at the launch event in Wigan earlier today, TMB chairman Sir Norman Wrassle said: "Many young people from wealthy families are denied the opportunity to eat tripe because their parents share the widely held perception that it is pauper's food.  Others - through accident of birth - find themselves locked into vegan families where they are prevented from eating tripe."

Sir Norman said that he hoped the new fund would break down the barriers that prevent young people from trying tripe. "The application process is simple. We'll only need to see their parents' last two years tax returns, and if they earn more than £100,000 per annum and have paid little or no tax, they'll qualify as wealthy," he said.

Applicants from vegan families can supply meat- and dairy-free shopping receipts for the last 12 months.